Cauliflower Rice

Firstly let me start by saying that any blogger out there who is telling you that cauliflower rice “surprisingly doesn’t taste anything like cauliflower at all!!!!!” is a huge massive liar with pomegranate seeds on top .

Now, let me take you back to where this all began… I used to work for an experiential immersive dining company which, as you can imagine, was a bit tricky for me as a hugely fussy eater. It led to lots of situations like this:

Chef: Oh hey Molly, try this amazing new jus/crunch/puree/dish.

Me: Errrrrr, what’s in it?

Chef: (Lists any ingredients that aren’t chicken fajitas or Margherita pizzas).

Me: Ah right, no thanks, I don’t like it.

Chef: (Mumbles inaudibly in second language, probably cursing my mother or something similar.)

I am, of course, exaggerating slightly. I’m not that fussy, and I did try lots of new things whilst I was there. But many things did not pass the security measures put in place by my mouth (my taste buds).

One day, whilst out on a photography shoot in East London (v trendy, v hipster) a buffet lunch was offered. Naturally I panicked at the prospect of politely refusing all forms of food, and being the subject of lots of questions about why I am practising a model-esque diet of nothing. Lunchtime came, and several unidentifiable hipster dishes arrived. Beetroot something? Quinoa with something? Definitely an avocado cheesecake just been spotted 🤔. Then a voice, “Oh Molly, have you tried this cauliflower rice?” I am almost certain my face would have said everything that my voice could not as I over-zealously heaped cauliflower rice onto my plate in an attempt to seem polite (and cool, if I’m honest). What happened next is completely unpredictable. I LOVED IT. It was amazing. There were pomegranate seeds and what was apparently blended cauliflower and it was delicious.

So thank you to the hosts of that photoshoot for opening my eyes to the world of cruciferous-vegetable-based carb alternatives. Let’s call them “Shmouse of Shmaser” in case I’m not allowed to reveal the secret lunch options of said brand 😉.

Anyway back to yesterday. I am, of course, using some of my time off work to perfect being an absolute domestic goddess (9/10 so far). Part of that has involved developing an enthusiasm for preparing exciting dinners that F can enjoy on his return from work. (Note: my actual cooking ability is restricted to toast and oven food only).

With healthy eating on my mind (new season, new me and all that), I decided to make cauliflower rice. I found this recipe, and mostly followed it. Except obviously I didn’t put raisins or almonds in (we all have to draw the line somewhere). And I misread slightly; using a lime instead of a lemon, and coriander instead of parsley. We’ve all done it.

I drizzled some peppers with garlic oil and grilled them, and marinated some chicken with peri peri before grilling that too. Then, I decided to use the one sweet potato in the cupboard to make a little bit of mash and get creative with the presentation.

Now for the verdict. Cauliflower rice? Disgusting. 1/10. Just ate the pomegranates off the top. Don’t bother.

Best bit: I quite enjoyed the cooking, and feel compelled to cook at least one more meal this year.

Worst bit: Do I even need to say it?

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